I am in a vortex of obligation.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
