We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize