booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
