I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
