there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize