i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize