i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
