Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
