I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Houston, we have a blender
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
