I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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