We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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