I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
