It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i came on her dog
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
