I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
