i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
is it fun? or sober?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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