it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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