Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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