i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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