My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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