If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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