And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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