So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
