Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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