Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
