Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
pop tarts are not kleenex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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