So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
