Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
