im holly from the hills drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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