I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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