his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
