if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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