Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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