tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
