I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
