So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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