I must be too annoying 4 u.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
