wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
