if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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