honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
