If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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