i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
