I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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