So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
