when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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