I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
