if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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