Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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