i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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