i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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