I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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