I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
