i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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