im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
