At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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