Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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