I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
