Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
