you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
