I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
