So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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