If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
