sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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