Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
