Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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