the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
